Biological Clock Frustrations
The pain and suffering that we are forced by a society that is constantly suffering!
Yes, I know that I have been absent for a while.
And did hurt me to leave you guys for so long, but I did need some time to focus on my other projects, which include a whole new designed teaching platform, a group of 10 empowered women that I am teaching personally, plus my legal career that took a turn into the Mother’s Africa land.
If you follow me on my social media, you might have seen one thing or two, that I’ve shared and if you have not, I invite you to take a look into @fit.vybes on my Instagram.
The background story
This post today is very very personal, and I feel confident enough to share about it because I believe that many of you will be able to understand and probably relate to it.
For those who don’t know I am actually 32 years old of age, divorced, and without kids.
My life has always been on the stage, my passion is communication and making others people’s lives better than before they have met me.
With a strong and quite unique personality I always knew what I wanted in my life:
- Be famous ✅
- Be pretty ✅
- To be loved ✅
- Have wealth ✅
- Help others ✅
- Have few properties ✅
- And never be hungry – ever again ✅
This is the most honest, and personal I have ever got when comes to my personal life, and it is the darn truth.
With certain pride and consistency, on my likes and dislikes, I guarantee that you won’t find on my journals I want a husband, and a family with kids.
A husband and kids were and are not things that ever made me feel accomplished, or slightly happy.
Maybe, this is not what you want to hear from a Relationship & Intimacy coach, but I must be honest with all of you. And if you want to know the reasons why I opt for this career click here.
A few years ago, I met someone that I was and still am in love with, and for many reasons, we thought it would be nice to get married.
But as words have power, and I kept saying that the marriage would fail, indeed it did.
However, I am a big fan of romance and love stories, and I do believe that we all can live it at a certain moment in our life, and it would be a plus if it last almost forever (people die).
Having experienced all sorts of relationships, I did love to be married, and think of my ex-husband always kindly, regardless of what has happened to us. But again it was not planned, and still not being one.
I do believe that we all should have to live our best versions, and that mine is when I am FREE.
Because, many people mistakes love relationships, with ownership, I will rather be single than “sorry”.
Here at my family home, we are all women, most of us single, and most of us do enjoy this lifestyle, we can do many things that our past abusive relationships have stopped us from doing, or we are just career ladies, that has other priorities.
We do not pressure each other, because we get each other’s reasons and decisions.
Anyway, the annoyance comes when people constantly say, “you need a man” or “why don’t you have kids?” or worse I’ve heard was “you won’t ever be accomplished without a child”!
This was the most hurtful thing someone could say to somebody like myself, it was not once, but every single day I have heard the same while in Africa (Zimbabwe – Botswana – Zambia).
I am sure that is part of their culture, and I respect it, but common!
I felt judged, offended, and put in a box. Like you have a uterus, it is your duty to have a child, especially at this age.
It was so frustrating and draining, I could not keep explaining why I made certain choices in my life, neither could I deal anymore with the men throwing themselves at me, to save me from my misery and knock me out. 🙄
For me the worse was a guy who knew me for a while, jumping on the “I know better” train, telling me that I would find the right man and then I will change my mind and have kids with him – apparently he is the guy for me.
It is so disrespectful since I made clear that I have no feelings, I am not attracted by this person for many reasons, which I made clear.
And then I felt also belittled, as I do not know what is best for me, so I need a man to show me what I really need to make my life fulfilled.
I felt a bit like the women in UAE, with their guardianship system. It is sad, shameful and an archaic way of living.
I do not have to justify my reasons, but I do want to leave some of my motives for not desiring to have a child:
- It’s not in my soul
- The path I follow is guided by my intuition
- I am not a pleaser
- My joy is in being an aunt for my nephew and nieces that I truly love
- I think kids are an unnecessary additional expense
- My freedom is my priority
- I’ve got my family support
- Kids like me and I like them, but I would not see myself taking care of one full time
- For me is extremely uncomfortable to deal with mentally or physically changes, so I rather avoid it
- My surnames are clumsy and forgetful, for that, I don’t think is safe for a child to be under my care 😆
And I want to leave a few tips, for when you are communicating with women at any age and situation (this works for males and females). So read the paragraphs below carefully.
Be empathetic, don’t assume stuff
We have people with health conditions, people who might have lost a child or have experienced severe abuse by the ones that claim to love her.
Instead of a comment, and giving your unsolicited opinion, be quiet or if you really care, make open questions. Is no one’s business, why somebody hasn’t got married yet, why are they single and without kids.
See people for who they are, what they have achieved
As a default, we do focus on what is missing in our lives, and we might do the same to others. Just as for yourself, practice focusing on what you already have, the good in you, and on others.
We love to be complimented, and praised, do it!
Your happiness is not everyone’s happiness
Do not project your fake or superficial happiness on others, because they might also think that you are not that happy or accomplished. Maybe you enjoy having 5 kids and live month by month with your paycheck.
But maybe for others, their happiness is to have a dog, that loves them unconditionally. We can not compare our lives all the time.
Did you enjoy reading this article and getting to know me a bit more? If the answer is YES, leave a comment below and tell me if your clock ticked or is ticking and how do you feel about it.