How to find the strength to end a relationship?
In this world, we have only one guarantee: Death.
Nothing else is guaranteed. We can not just assume that things will always be the way we want, that we will find love at first sight at a young age, grow old together and be always happy.
Many desire to build a beautiful and long-lasting love life, but unfortunately, that is not something that depends on one’s decision.
Some of us forget that a relationship is a dance of two or more people sometimes, and it is directly related to how each of its integrants sees their importance and appreciation in this specific relationship.
With this in mind, what to do when we no longer see ourselves in that relationship?
For many, the answer might be straightforward: Breakup!
But we all know that there are plenty of reasons that some of us might use as an excuse to stay with someone, even though there is no longer passion, respect, or any form of desire in common.
Some couples (including polyamory relationships as well) might have children together, fear and doubt of what will come next, health issues, a feeling of owning their partner for something they have done in the past, financial aspects that might be frightening, and plenty more reasons and excuses not to finish a relationship.
We always have more than a solution for every problem. Right? Today the solution I want to talk about is the breakup.
What is a breakup?
Accordingly to Wikipedia, a breakup is “the termination of a relationship by any means other than death.”, so literally it happens when one or both partners in a relationship decide to part away.
A breakup can be taken as a surprise if one of the partners is unaware that there is actually a problem in their relationship, or they might have seen it coming after several complaints and warnings.
It is never easy to go through it, regardless of what your position is in it.
Just like death, most breakups have a grief period for all the parts involved.
I particularly always encourage communication and offer the benefit of the doubt.
However, if the other side is not interested in listening, better themselves, repair their mistakes, or what often happens, try to blame the one who’s hurt. I advise to warn them of the consequences, without using it as a treat.
And then actually doing it, effectively and immediately.
But where to find the strength for it?
It is not a plain recipe since it depends on where you are in your life, first of all.
I can tell you personally that I had situations where the person did not need much to make me walk away.
As soon as I saw a red flag, I would terminate the relationship.
However, in a recent situation, I saw multiple red flags, a sea of flags!
But I kept going, trying to prove that I was wrong about this person, and he was telling me the truth and would treat me better, as he used to do at the beginning.
It was one of the biggest mistakes in my life; regardless of all the training I got, sometimes it can be challenging to coach ourselves, and because I believe in love so deeply, I found it difficult to find my original self in this relationship, I became someone else, and I did not mind that since I was in love.
I had to find my strengths again and do what was right for me!
Yes, I am aware that is not always that easy.
Still, I did it; many others did it as well, so you can too!
The strength comes within. If you ever thought that you do not want to be in a relationship anymore but can’t walk away for the various reasons we mentioned above or more, this is a sign that first, you gotta work and heal yourself.
When we are weak and vulnerable, it can be easy to stay involved with someone, even if they are not truly making us happy but putting us through hell.
The energy, emotions, and feelings we put out about ourselves reflect what we attract into our lives.
You can be beautiful and sexy, but if you are too much into your head or constantly wondering what or who is out there for you, your energetic field will pull in more and more than what you are focusing on – the things you dislike and fear.
If you can figure out that what you want and deserve is a better relationship, you must look inside of yourself and realize what you need more in your life and what you do not need at all.
I often say that we need 3 little things to finally end a relationship or survive the days/weeks/months or decades after the breakup:
- Gratitude – learn how to appreciate who you are and what you have, focus on the good times not with nostalgia but with grace, about what you have experienced and learned.
- Faith – in yourself! Faith is the complete trust in things that we do not know and haven’t see yet. Work on create and cultivate faith in yourself that you will be alright and find real love, peace, and joy with someone who will treat you beyond what you think you deserve.
- Happiness – no one is attracted to sadness and complains. Suppose you want to be with someone that feels sorry and pitiful about you, ok. But if you want to find someone better, not just sexually but in general, you will have to learn to live in a space where you are always happy and positive, regardless of the outcome of things.
This way, it will make it easier to end a relationship and find reasons not to go back into the rat wheel. No one deserves to sacrifice their lives in the name of love.
Yes, we have to forgive and forget, but it does not mean you have to stay with that person, or even be friends with them, because your intentions might be the right ones. Still, you can’t expect that theirs are in the same place as yours.
To break up with anyone in any relationship is a talent that not everyone is born with, but everyone can learn and develop.
Tell me, what is harder to be the one to break up or the one to be dumped?
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