My Guilty wont’t let me have an orgasm :(

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My Guilty won’t let me have an orgasm 🙁

For many, this title reflects their actual reality, the unbearable suffering that they go through daily, without knowing what exactly to do, who to look for help, simply because most won’t know what is going on.

When we are sexually active, we have days that we are more or less excited; different things turn us on and get us off. There is an infinite number of things that can interfere with our libido.

And guilty can be one of the factors that can hurt our sexual lives, the most.

What is guilt?

Accordingly to the Merriam- Webster dictionary, they have different meanings of the word guilt, for the sake of our argument, we will use the following one:


Feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy

Now that we know what guilt is, why do we feel it, even when spending intimate time with the one’s love?

The Overthinker mind

Some of us, are easy-going, can just enjoy life, do whatever without worrying about anything, being present in the moment. But, unfortunately, some of us humans, aren’t like that.

Quite a few people, can’t live a life free of wonder, without focusing on the problems they are having at work, what to eat, the bills to pay or questioning how good they are during sex.

There are plenty of men and women, that have feelings of self-reproach when comes to their intimacy.

And why is that?

There are many reasons, that might make one harshly self criticize themselves, let’s see a few reasons:

1- Past fears and traumas

When we are survivors of some form of abuse, either in an intimate relationship on with our family members, we tend to bring it to our adulthood and into our future relationships.

I can’t stress how much it is necessary to heal and grow ourselves out of those past traumas, fears, and any other blockages that subconsciously are holding us back from enjoying the present moment.


2-  Absence of appreciation from their partner

But maybe you overcame all the traumas you might have suffered and found a new partner that you enjoy being with, that you feel excited to be with.

And as time goes by, and things began to cool down, and that passion seems to be worn off.

It can be that either of you have much going on, have grown apart, suffering from high levels of stress, or any other reason that only them can know.

We can’t pin down every reason, or excuse, but somehow that one who used to drool over you, shows nothing more than despise and no attraction at all.

Maybe the intimacy has gone, or it feels like a form of obligation with some burden sensation, just to release the tension.

3- Lack of Self Confidence

Here is a very personal situation, because it is within the person who feels it, and opposite from what many might think, it is an internal feeling that impacts external circumstances, not the other way around.

Self-confidence can be destroyed by some of the topics we mentioned in this article, and some other factors; such as low self-esteem, constantly thinking that they are not enough, that no one desires you, or wants you.

It is the seed of not being good enough it’s planted at a young age, the chances are very high that this child will grow to be very dependable on others’ validations, to experience the minimal level of confidence and worth.

When an individual, does not feel wanted or desired, it does not matter how much their partner shows them the opposite, they will have always a hard time believing it. And then comes to the other half, to be patient and kind enough, to put the time and energy into showing them that they are desired.

4- Stress

We all experience some level of stress in our lives, this is normal, what differentiates us is the way how we deal with it.

When in a relationship, we tend to share our happiness, and our frustrations with each other, looking for comfort, a safe space to express ourselves, and someone to celebrate our winnings or cry with our losses.

And that is fine.

However, what happens sometimes is that we use the ones we like and love as a punching bag or a scapegoat, and end up unloading all in them, because we know they will forgive and understand us.

But all involved in this relationship are ordinary humans, with some limitations, and taking their kindness and patience as granted might kill the relationship.

For example, I was dating someone, who was going through a very turbulent divorce, and once during valentines day we were having an online dinner – it was a long-distance relationship, and he decided to talk for over 2 hours about his divorce and criticize his ex-wife.

I have told him several times, that I did not like to hear all the time about it, but especially during a romantic moment, and it was kind of killing my desire for him, because I began to see him as a weak man, with difficulties to let it go and look forward in life – not just with me, but in general including financially.

The stress he was living, and began to bring upon me, generated too many discussions, fights, that we weren’t able to overcome. By the end, I had nothing to say to him, because my own stress and frustration has overgrown the love I had.

So yeah, it is something bothering you, share it with your partner, but using the love communication, instead of trying to make them to feel as you feel, suffer as you are suffering, or blame them.

Is always better, to try to work these things together as much as the couples can, and remember to always but really always keep their passion alive, regardless of the issue.

Because if you bring your problems and stress, to your sex life, then you will have another problem!

5- Body Shame 

In recent years the term body shame has taken a whole new meaning, with serious social and legal repercussions. But what to do when it happens among people that vow to love each other?

As a skinny girl in Brazil, I got used to body shame, because back in the day we just go and beat that kid that called me Olive Oyl, so for me it is nice that we are able to educate others on how to talk to people, especially regarding their body features, without being judgemental and offensive.

But that is just about bullying, however, I see partners deliberately humiliating their partners, for their looks, and then go off complaining about the lack of intimacy.

Well, pal what do you want?

Of course, if we constantly comment on someone’s look in a pejorative way, they might not feel comfortable being naked, touched, or even just being looked at might cause anxiety and distress.

This topic is totally connected with appreciation, humans like to be appreciated, praised and often do not deal very well with judgment and critics.

We all go through phases in life, sometimes we feel pretty and hot, others we’re just down and lazy, and it is ok. As empathetic fellow humans, we must have compassion and use our words carefully to not make things worse.

Or make that person, that might be happy and feel good with the way they look, self guessing themselves, because of a small “joke” someone with egomaniac issues made about them.

It is all about putting ourselves in other people’s shoes, and appreciating them no matter how they look!


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 Comment below what makes it difficult for you to reach ecstasy during intimacy?


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