When adding an EXTRA to the relationship?
Let’s talk about Threesomes, yeah!
Life as a couple is very complex and challenging at times. Some couples to save their relationships might think that they have to add a third person to their mix to get things spiced out and interesting again.
In the long run, as a sexually active woman, I have had this conversation several times, and it is always a big conversation to have because not always one of the partners is ready to such talk, either to open up about it.
We hear that normally, the man is interested in having a new person added to their relationship. Still, this is a stereotype that surrounds males’ behaviors, labeling them as more perverse and “hornier” than females.
In my irrelevant opinion, based on life experiences and clients, the truth is that both are sexual beings and can find certain sex acts exciting, curious, and stimulating but difficult to ask for it and express their desire.
Why is it a difficult conversation to have?
This can be difficult because it can touch a susceptible part of the existent relationship.
That is because, to start, if the relationship is not stable enough, and one of the partners is lacking confidence, instead of helping the relationship, it can actually bring much more problems than supposed to.
One of the partners might believe that the one proposing such adventure is not interested in them, that they are not good enough, or that you already met someone and just want an excuse to fuck with somebody else – kind of getting permission to fuck around.
Of course, plenty of scenarios can be played out in people’s minds when suggested to have a trio with the person they love so much.
However, if the people in such a couple are mature enough, and open the conversation might go a little bit smoother, even though they might not get the desire results. And still possible to have past fears and traumas, as it can turn to the bright side of the moon and get both partners curious and excited about it.
The Pros and Cons of a Threesome
– Bring some fun to a bit dead relationship or spicy up solid one;
– Experiment with different types of stimulations and excitement;
– Practice and exercise trust and surrender; and
– Discover about your each other
– Might bring you apart;
– Feel less desired or wanted by the others;
– Create and bring issues that the individual hasn’t yet healed and overcome;
– Generate some confusion;
– Break the relationship.
If you feel that you two are ready to have the talk, and both are strong enough to move on into such a sexual act, then here are some tips on how to do it:
Tips to have the Threesome Talk:
- Be clear on your reasons why you want to have a threesome.
- Play the conversation in your head first. You know your partner quite well.
- Have good timing. Time is everything. (That is because if you are in a bad mood with your partner, it might make the shit hit the fan must faster than you can imagine. Second, if you go over the board to be over or overdue, i.e., be too romantic, your partner you’ll notice it and think you are just trying to act nicely to get what they want.)
- Keep clear, honest, and sincere.
- Keep your poker face on while listening to your partner’s response. And do not interrupt!
- If it doesn’t work, you can propose to first play the fantasy with your partner.
- Enjoy be you two, the foundation of the relationship, and then exploit the vast world of sex.
And if you go through with it, here are some more tips for enjoying it:
– Make sure to make an agreement with your partner on who will you pick;
– Decide about speaking or not about it;
– Set boundaries among the three of you;
– Make sure you get a FULL STI test and use protection, regardless of is two ladies and a man or vice versa;
– There are many advantages of inviting a friend for the mix, but try to stay away from family and friends; (Check this post I wrote about trust)
– Be clear if it will be a time thing, and if it is or not allowed to this to happen without the presence or “consent” of your partner;
– Try to give attention to everyone, not simply thinking about yourself;
– Show your actual partner how happy you are in doing it with him and her, give special care to them;
– Let it go of all the judgment. Whatever happens, is between you and your partners. No one else has to know about it!
I particularly had these experiences with men and women, and I confess that it can be exhilarating and fun when we are all on the same mojo: sex and fun.
With the right mindset and expectations, it can bring good memories. It can turn into a tragedy when one is too selfish, overthinking, or turning it into a competition.
I am glad that I had the chance to experience only the good sides of sex with multiple partners at once, with the right people. Nowadays, maybe because I have already done it, and I found someone who fulfills all of my mental, spiritual, and physical needs, I remain open to doing so but don’t find it appealing or so interesting.
It’s a moment of exercising my sexuality in a more elevated realm than I have ever done.
Yet if you are for this or that, it does not matter! It is only essential that you do the things you are comfortable with and enjoy, which makes you feel happy. The rest is waste.
Thanks for reading, and please leave your comments below, and share this post if you think it is relevant to somebody else.